


Tender Is The Night

by flootzavut



Series: Next Time Deuterocanon [3]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blanket Permission, Infidelity, Internalised Homophobia, M/M, Queer Themes, Trapper Tuesday, nexttimeverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 13:55:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21137804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: "It's easier to be sweet to Hawkeye when he's asleep."





	Tender Is The Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [machangula](https://archiveofourown.org/users/machangula/gifts).

> Happy birthday, Gi dear ♥️ (I'm sorry it's so angsty...)
> 
> There is no smut here but there are references to smuttery; it's one of those stories that's on the cusp, so I'm going with M to be on the safe side.

* * *

_ **Tender Is The Night** _

* * *

It's easier to be sweet to Hawkeye when he's asleep. It's... safer.

When he's awake, he looks at Trap with that smile and and those eyes, and Trap has to turn away, has to tell himself it's not real, has to remind himself it's Korea playing tricks on him. Even on R&R in Tokyo, he can't escape it. Korea won't let go, and Trap does things he'd never do otherwise. He doesn't sleep with men, he doesn't fall for his bunkie, he would never spend so many of his precious hours of freedom just listening to Hawk breathe. It's all Korea; if they would just send him home, things will go back to normal, and he won't waste all this time trying to fix what Korea broke.

Hawk makes it hard to hold on to the truth when he looks at Trapper the way he does.

It's different for Hawk. Trap didn't realise until too late. Hawk's- _like that_. Not that Trap minds (Hawk gives blow jobs that make him believe in heaven), it's just that Trap isn't, and Hawk forgets that. (Sometimes he makes Trap forget, too.)

Trapper has a wife and kids. He definitely _isn't_ like that. This isn't real, at least not for him, no matter how real it feels in the moment. It's a temporary thing, situational; all bets are off out here. All's fair in- well. Whatever. The point is, it's not his fault and it doesn't mean a thing.

Even Louise would understand. (If he told her. Which he won't.) It's no different than being with Margie Cutler, and that's nothing, it's just - things are different in a war zone. If this was a surgical rotation at Boston Gen, Trap'd never even think about Hawk that way.

(Okay, maybe not never, but hardly ever. There was that one time- okay, two or three times, but they were drunk, and they never actually slept together. Handjobs don't really count, and he was never brave enough or stupid enough to let Hawk suck him off, not until Korea. It was so much easier to ignore the temptation.)

Korea's different. Anyone would do. (Well, almost anyone. Sharing a bed with Frank would be worse than solitary.) Sometimes you just need a warm body to hold on to. To not be alone. That's all it is.

Hawkeye makes a soft, satisfied noise, and for a second Trapper freezes. It's followed by a wriggle that presses Hawk closer to Trap's body, and then a little snort of a snore, and Trap can breathe again. He isn't sure what he's doing here, but whatever it is, he doesn't want to do it with Hawkeye watching.

After a couple of minutes, when Hawk is still showing no signs of waking up, Trap can properly relax. This is all - it's just safer when Hawk's asleep. Safer in a way Trap doesn't want to examine any closer than he absolutely can't avoid.

Despite the uncomfortable cots and the prospect of Frank returning unexpectedly, the ever-present possibility of incoming wounded and - well, everything - despite it all, if Trap can just ignore his misgivings for a while, it's almost peaceful. It helps, having someone here. And that's all it is, it's just having someone to cling to. Who doesn't need that, especially in a war zone?

Trapper tells himself one last time that this is a matter of convenience and proximity. They're just lucky not to have to sleep alone when the nurses won't have them. Captains McIntyre and Pierce, just two ordinary guys making the best of a bad situation, keeping each other warm, staving off the loneliness and thinking of home. It isn't real. (It can't be.) They're fine, and this doesn't mean anything, whatever Hawk might mumble in his ear when they're drunk.

Then, reassured, John pulls Hawkeye in close, presses his face into Hawk's hair, and drifts off to sleep.

_~ fin ~_

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily repressed gay Trap is just too compelling, apparently!


End file.
